Toilet Mug Ends Friendship

Jenn’s mom Cathy really wanted to meet a raccoon. And isn’t that how every strange evening begins? So I go outside first because I’m the official raccoon test dummy. If anybody is going to lose a finger… it’s gonna be me. And this raccoon comes right up, grabs my hand, starts eatin’ like we went to high school together. Meanwhile, the entire crowd is watching safely from behind the window like it’s a wildlife reality TV show. I give the thumbs up. “Alright Cathy… the tiny bandit seems emotionally stable.” She crouches down to feed the raccoon… while Jenn films her mom in this nature documentary Now the raccoon climbs up onto the ledge beside Cathy, happily eating snacks while her fan club cheers her on. Then I make ONE mistake. I signal inside: “Hey! Bring some water for the raccoon!” Simple request, right? A bowl. A cup. SOMETHING NORMAL. These people come back with a MUG SHAPED LIKE A TOILET. A TOILET. Why do we even own this? The raccoon looks at the mug… looks at us… and you could literally SEE the betrayal in his face. The guy has a complete emotional collapse and runs off into the darkness. NATURE IS SO SMART.