Healing Trauma Takes Years, Not Days

Healing from complex trauma usually takes much longer than people expect, because the work is not only about understanding what happened. It is also about slowly changing the way the body, emotions, and beliefs respond when something feels threatening or familiar. At first, a trigger may take over before a person even realizes what is happening. They may move quickly into shame, fear, self-blame, or the old belief that they are useless, unlovable, too much, or somehow at fault. When those beliefs are activated, it can take days to come back to a more grounded place. Over time, healing often shows up in the ability to notice the spiral sooner. A person may still get triggered, but they begin to recognize, “This is shame,” or “This is an old belief being activated.” That awareness creates a small pause, and in that pause there is more room to regulate, ground, and return to the part of the brain that can think, reflect, and make choices. This does not mean the trigger disappears right away. It may mean the spiral that once lasted four days eventually lasts one day, then a few hours, and eventually maybe fifteen minutes. There may still be an emotional hangover afterward, but the person is no longer lost in it in the same way. Healing is often slow because the patterns were built over years, especially when they began in childhood. But slow does not mean nothing is happening. Less intensity, less frequency, and a quicker return to groundedness are all signs that real change is taking place. This is a clip from my talk with Theo Von back in 2024 on his podcast, This Past Weekend.