Why So Many Young Women Are Rethinking Heterosexuality | Phoebe Maltz Bovy

Why are so many cultural conversations about sexuality beginning to reject or reinterpret heterosexuality? In this wide-ranging interview, cultural critic and author Phoebe Maltz Bovy explores the modern politics of female desire, the influence of queer theory, and the cultural narratives reshaping relationships between men and women. The discussion touches on everything from media portrayals of heterosexual women and lesbian identity politics to the legacy of second-wave feminism, online gender discourse, and the growing influence of social media on how people interpret attraction and identity. Phoebe also discusses thinkers like Lisa Diamond and figures such as Lindy West, alongside TV and literary references including Are You Being Served? and “Cat Person.” This conversation examines how contemporary culture frames female sexuality, why heterosexuality has become culturally contested in some circles, and what this reveals about identity, desire, and modern feminism. Follow Phoebe Maltz Bovy on X: @BovyMaltz 00:00 Why Phoebe Wrote This Book 02:17 Gender Dynamics and Modern Relationships 04:15 The Desexualisation of Female Attraction 06:25 “Frumpy but Horny” and Cultural Messaging 11:14 How Media Portrays Straight Women 15:16 Lesbian Identity in Heterosexual Narratives 19:53 The Problem with “Sexual Fluidity” 24:07 Bisexuality, Ambiguity, and Attraction 32:48 Identity, Labels, and Respect 34:07 The Complexity of Female Desire 38:32 Male Beauty Standards and Social Pressure 43:50 Why Women Experience Desire Differently 47:58 Lindy West and Online Queer Discourse 53:00 Female Sexuality in the Social Media Era 59:16 Looking Back on the 2010s Quillette is an Australian-based online magazine that focuses on long-form analysis and cultural commentary. It is politically non-partisan, but relies on reason, science, and humanism as its guiding values. Quillette was founded in 2015 by Australian writer Claire Lehmann. It is a platform for free thought and a space for open discussion and debate on a wide range of topics, including politics, culture, science, and technology. Quillette has gained attention for publishing articles and essays that challenge modern orthodoxy on a variety of topics, including gender and sexuality, race and identity politics, and free speech and censorship. --- Quillette's revenue comes from our readers. We are a grassroots organisation that relies on voluntary subscriptions and community membership as our primary revenue stream. Support Quillette by becoming a subscriber: https://quillette.com/#/portal/signup Or donate send us a one-off tip: https://quillette.com/#/portal/support We made our website using Ghost, a powerful app for new-media creators to publish, share, and grow a business around their content. It comes with modern tools to build a website, publish content, send newsletters & offer paid subscriptions to members. Try it here: https://ghost.org/?via=claire91