Larry, The Downing Street Cat - Over time, Mandelson & Other Unpleasant Surprises

Despite having been reassigned to the sports department this week, a move I had welcomed with all the enthusiasm of a cat discovering an unattended roast chicken, my editor has seen fit to burden me with overtime. Apparently, the government has been compelled to publish more than 1,000 pages of documents relating to the appointment of Lord Peter Mandelson as Britain's ambassador to the United States. One thousand pages. To put that into perspective, that is roughly 997 pages more than any sane creature would willingly read about any ambassadorial appointment. My manservant has been muttering all morning darkly as he printed portions of the documents. He is not a happy fellow these days. His mood swings have become so dramatic that one half expects him to burst into tears while making a cup of tea and then declare economic renewal by lunchtime. The atmosphere around here is peculiar. There is a faint sense of a ship taking on water while the officers continue arguing over the seating plan for dinner. Still, journalism is journalism, so I bravely waded into the paperwork. The standout moment appears to be a handwritten letter sent to the then Foreign Secretary, David Lammy, in November 2024. In it, Mandy reportedly wrote: "If you were minded to appoint me, I would make sure you never regret it." It is a splendidly confident statement. The sort of thing one imagines Napoleon saying before setting off for Russia. As for me, I have reached page seventy-three and concluded that life is simply too short. There are limits, after all. A cat can endure many hardships. Rain. Vacuum cleaners. Visits from politicians seeking favourable photographs. But there comes a point when even the most dedicated correspondent must acknowledge that another nine hundred pages of government paperwork may not be the best use of a remaining afternoon. So I have made an executive decision. Stuff the overtime. The documents can wait. I am heading to the kitchen. This is not a decision taken lightly. Earlier today, I sent the chef a strongly worded email concerning both the presentation and quality of my meals. Whether my concerns have been addressed remains unclear. I approach with cautious optimism, though experience suggests disappointment is lurking just around the corner. If you don't hear from me again, assume the worst. #cats #pets #animals #cutecats #larrythecat